Never let it be said that Table on Ten doesn’t shred the gnarlacious curl of the zeitgeist.
Pickled beet stems and caper buds. Cold brew, bacon, PG Tips, wine in mason jars, artisanal sriracha, bone broth, foraged this, foraged that. So much shredded kale you started to look like a brassica. Ramps. Kimchee workshop. Ironic Ass Beer.
Pull out your sauvecito pomade and your Mayan sun print bikini. We’re going mondo Mexican.
And in case you think we’re just another bunch of hipster Juanny-come-latelies, plundering some flavour-of-the-month food fetish, whereby stuff everybody’s been tossing on the BBQ for decades is now serious eats because we’re pronouncing it in Yucatan dialect and cooking it with flame … well, we want you to know we were at Coqui Coqui when it was just us, Heidi Klum and some campesinos raking seaweed off the beach. And while the Tuluminati were perfecting their Bharadvajasana at Bikini Boot Camp, we were blazing pioneer trails through the jungle in a 4-Runner with really shoddy a/c. An hour-and-a-bit to Valladolid, past poorly signposted cenotes and cut-throat snorkel traders, elbowing aside Instagram zombies to score Spiderman underpants from authentic artisans. Hey, we climbed that pyramid at Chichen Itza too, and Caleb lost his sarong! And barely made it back in time for whole-animal Grouper Ceviche de Wahoo and Dash Berlin’s set at Gitano. ‘La Pura Vida, muchacha!’ Wait, was that Costa Rica?
Saturday 6th of August – 12 till 3 and 6 till 9
Table on Ten and The Pines present:
¡ TACOS EL SABADO !
La Pared Hermosa (Carne Asada) – Greenane Farm flank steak, chilis, garlic, lime
El Donaldo (Cochinita Pibil) – slow-cooked Home Grown Farmstead pork, sour oranges, garlic
Las Pequeñas Manos (Pollo en Mole) – blind mole on a stick. Or Key Farm chicken in mole sauce
La Melania (Vegetariano) – roasted Star Route cauliflower, beans, Bovina Valley cotija
Tortillas de Asesino – hand-made with masa from Trevor Wilson’s local yellow heirloom corn
Elotes del Extranjero Indocumentado – charred local first corn with butter, cotija and lime
Ensalada de Siete Cárteles – black lentils, avocado, pickled peas, arugula, honey, cotija
Salsa de Soplete Esteban – Burnett’s gizzard-searing smoked maple tomatillo sorcery
Torta de Cuatro y Veinte – chocolate chili from Brooklyn with Table dulce de leche ice cream
Vino Francés e Italiano
And there you have it! Grab your sombrero, your crossed ammunition belts and assless chaps, head over to La Casa de la Risa in downtown Pueblo Floración. The oil-tank grill will be roaring, there’ll be plastic party banners in the trees and mariachi in the air. But get there quick, before the Albondigas have turned to Pho and the mezcal back to bourbon.
Saturday 6th of August 12 till 3 and 6 till 9
It’s that time of year. Table on Ten is hiring. Come join the family! We’re on the couch in y-fronts and a wife-beater, watching reruns of Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter, sucking on a quart of Wild Irish Rose. Throw your phone across the room, kick the cat, run upstairs, slam your bedroom door. We’ll send your little sister up and you can scream at her to ‘leave me alone you nasty little dwarf, I hate you!’. Come down after you’ve Facetimed Brianna for three hours, we’ll pick up Grandma and go to Taco Bell.
Sturdy upright citizens are needed to fill the blurry-edged roles of:
• front-of-house | wait staff
• kitchen staff
We’re looking for reliable, self-motivated, hard-working team-players with energy, stamina and a desire to work in food and service.
You’ll need a flexible schedule, including weekends, evenings, holidays and (in some cases) weekdays.
You’ll have to be able to work well in a fast-paced, energetic environment; to multi-task, stay organized and motivated. And perhaps deal with the public.
Each job has different responsibilities and time commitments.
Starting immediately. Put some clothes on for heavens sake.
We think working at Table on Ten is pretty great. You could absolutely do worse.
Jobs that working at Table on Ten is better than include:
• toll booth attendant
• crime-scene cleaner
• pet food taster
• peep-show janitor
• panda inseminator
• discount colonoscopist
• upstate art gallery owner
• amputee pole-dancer
• anything in Buffalo
To find out more, write to us at email@example.com
Let it never be said Table on Ten is just about stuffing your face.
We’ve been nicely stuffing your ears with John Houshmand for quite some time. Stuffing your eyes with classic movies on the stone wall on pizza nights. We’ve stuffed your noses with chicken leek and bacon pot pies and trays of freshly-baked granola. Your hands with custom plastic fly-swatters.
Now we’re going to stuff your minds.
WEEDEATER • A Film by Eden Batki + Marty Windahl + Amy von Harrington
FORAGING THROUGH THE AMAZING WORLD OF NANCE KLEHM
Sunday 10th July at 1 pm | Table on Ten | $5
Now bear in mind, we know a thing or two about foraging. We’ve been out in the backyard with Marguerite Uhlmann-Bower more than once. Remember nettle balls? What about spruce tip soda? Ollie the Dog can spend hours chewing on a locally foraged piece of gravel. And one or other of us can frequently be found foraging a pack of Camel Lights and $1 lighter at the Mirabito in Hobart.
But we are minnows compared to Nance Klehm. Nance is a foraging tuna. She’s more than that. She’s …
… a self-described ‘steward of the earth’. She is an ecological systems designer, a permacultural grower, a horticultural consultant and a talented and much sought after teacher and speaker. She is respected internationally for her work on land politics and growing for fertility. Meeting her for the first time feels as though you are catching her mid-sentence and mid-stride.
Weedeater trots alongside Nance through various landscapes, gathering together a collection of her thoughts and philosophies on everything from wild, uncultivated weeds to human waste composting to ‘the dark cosmos’ soil. An accurate portrait of Klehm would be impossible to confine to a formal or traditional documentary narrative. Instead, Weedeater attempts to sketch Klehm’s character as well as reflect the depth and complexity of her intimate relationship with the earth and all its inhabitants, in the unique and intimate structure and style of this experimental film.
Like we said, Sunday 10th July at 1 pm | Table on Ten | $5
Come by bike. Come by Car. Come by Astral Projection. Have a bite of lunch, a glass of wine. Do the things you can’t usually do in a movie-theatre (within reason).
Filmmaker Eden Batki will be with us, so we’ll have lots of questions and – for once – somebody armed with answers.
Please come. You can let us know by email or on 607-643 6509
Or just turn up. We’d love to see you.
We have The Four & Twenty Blackbirds Pie Book
Yeah, I mean, it’s July 4th for God’s sake. It took you 7 hours to get to Yonkers. The dog had gas. You’re grinding Xanax into Montepulciano, slugging it down in quart jars and snorting the residue. You just made a pass at the lawnmower man in your underwear and he ran off into the knotweed. You’ve locked the kids in an old laundry hamper in the basement and can no longer hear their screams.
Now you’re going to make pie crust?
Spare yourself a lifetime in Attica. We have whole Four & Twenty Blackbirds pies.
Flavors as follows, while stocks last:
• Strawberry Kaffir Lime
• Black-Bottom Spruce
• Salted Caramel Apple
• Matcha Custard
• Strawberry Streusel
• Rhubarb Crumble
$35 for a whole pie. Big enough to feed one fat family of eight or two skinny ones.
Give us a call on 607-643 6509, or email us here
‘The British are going! The British are going!”
Welcome to Independence Day weekend. The one where we celebrate severing ties with a tiny, obscure island off the coast of Europe, known for warm beer, pre-masticated peas and blaming other people for their problems. Being something of a tiny landlocked island ourselves – Delaware County – we thought we could perhaps garner a spot of lost wisdom from our plucky ancestors over the sea: their rabid adherence to cultural homogeneity, quaint policeman’s costumes, groups of men in ladies’ clothes dancing around poles with sticks in their hands and bells on their feet. Their dogged resolve in the face of dentistry. But most importantly; their prodigious capacity for moaning.
To that end, we will be setting up Table on Ten noticeboards, each with a single word at the top:
In a basket underneath will be a selection of commonly-used suffixes, which participants will be encouraged to place underneath to form a familiar British phrase.
ENGLAND FOOTBALL TEAM
COST OF A PINT
COST OF CIGARETTES
Participants will be asked to read their phrase out loud, to be repeated by the congregation. Once all initial phrases are exhausted, we will ask for contributions; thus facilitating a hands-on, Internationalist, cross-platform, multi-media, son et lumière, interactive experience, rivaling Mount Tremper’s World’s Largest Kaleidoscope. And a brief insight on how grim it can be to be British.
To afford maximum participation in this rich cultural exchange, Table on Ten will be extending its weekend opening hours to include:
ADDITIONAL PIZZA NIGHT ON SUNDAY 3rd and ADDITIONAL BREAKFAST AND LUNCH ON MONDAY 4th
So to be clear:
Thursday 30th – 9 to 3
Friday 1st – 9 to 3 then 6 to 9 (Pizza Night I)
Saturday 2nd – 9 to 3 then 6 to 9 (Pizza Night II)
Sunday 3rd – 9 to 3 then 6 to 9 (Pizza Night III)
Monday 4th – 9 to 3
Hope to see you here. Toodle-bloody-pip.
In the pit of La Scala, Puccini,
Conducted Boheme with zucchini,
“Believe it or not,
I did Turandot
With bananas, two leeks and my weenie.”
Joining a CSA does not make you a Communist. It helps farmers. More importantly, it burnishes your upstate foodie-hipster credentials. Three weeks of picking up your own mibuna and you’ll be painting your cabin Farrow & Ball Off Black, drinking half-wild cider from a wine glass and calling meat protein. Communists are welcome.
The 607 CSA is a collaboration between the twin pillars of Table on Ten’s vegetable underbelly – Star Route and Berry Brook Farms. Basically, instead of us all meandering round in our Subarus week in, week out, burning up Saudi oil, abetting terrorists and crucifiers in the name of vegetables for our respective tables … we commit to either a Summer Full or Summer Half share in the seasonal bounty of these two local farms. Once a week our waxed boxes will await us at one of six convenient locations. There’ll be all sorts of stuff poking out, most of which we’ll know what to do with. The bits we don’t will serve as springboards for our culinary imaginations and French tempered steel skillets. Then there’s pesto. One stop shopping and the Big Door Prize every week. It’s not Communism: but there’s enough of a whiff of Socialist Realist lady-biceps about it to make us feel momentarily less effete. And it really helps with what’s going on.
Furthermore. If you’re not exclusively herbivorous there are all sorts of modular add-ons available to supplement the basic weekly ration; from the likes of Bovina Valley, Stony Creek, Painted Goat, L’ouvriere, Stone & Thistle, Township Valley, Lucky Dog, Farmhand Flowers, Mauer’s Mountain, Greenane, Nectar Hills, Tay Tea, Kitchen Garden, Cowbella, Flaca Vaca, Treadlight, Big Ash. Meat, poultry, milk, cheese, yogurt, flowers, honey, herbs. Even candles. If you’ve got shelter, matches, cigarettes and tequila, you’re basically set.
Table on Ten is one of six locations you can swing by and grab your share. Pickup time is cannily scheduled between 6 and 9 pm on a Friday evening. Ring any bells? That’s also when we’re open, serving pizza. You can hit-and-run or cool your heels, have a bite to eat, glass of wine. See what we did with the same stuff that’s in your box. Other locations are strategically situated around Delaware County so as to undermine the ‘oh, but that’s miles from where I live’ defence.
Bloomville | Table on Ten | FRIDAY | 6-10pm
Bovina | Brushland Eating | FRIDAY | 6-10pm
Charlotteville | Star Route Farm | FRIDAY & SATURDAY | 1-5pm
Delhi | Delhi Farmer’s Market | WEDNESDAY | 9am-2pm
Hobart | Flaca Vaca | SATURDAY | 10am-4pm
Oneonta | b side ballroom | FRIDAY | 6-10
The deal? It’s vulgar to talk money in public. It’s good though.
‘I don’t see it so much as erotic. I see it more full of obscenity. I see fornication and asphyxiation and choking and fighting for survival and growing and rotting away. It is the harmony of overwhelming and collective murder. And we in comparison to that enormous articulation – we only sound and look like badly pronounced and half-finished sentences out of a stupid suburban novel. A cheap novel. We have to become humble in front of this overwhelming growth and overwhelming lack of order. We have to get acquainted to this idea that there is no real harmony as we have conceived it. But when I say this, I say this all full of admiration. It is not that I hate it, I love it. I love it very much. But I love it against my better judgment.’ – Werner Herzog (on Knotweed)
Japanese Knotweed, Curse o’ the Catskills. Vast thickets of bambooish vegetation that clog the banks of the Little Delaware like something from Apocalypse Now. We tried everything to tame it. First couple of years we waded into the obscenity with scythe and thick gloves, slicing, ripping, arms flailing, teeth gnashing. Days later a single stand was reduced to ribbons. Little did we know this only girded its loins. Stand by the garage at midnight. You can hear the groans of its roots fornicating. Poison? It throws back its hoary head like Falstaff calling for another flagon of sack. Burning is an afternoon at the spa with a coarse loofah, fiery exfoliation promoting yet more pornographic growth. Prayer is futile (God loves knotweed).
It grows by every means imaginable. Late-summer flowers are pendulous fronds of a billion seeds, each with its own wings, parachute and entrenching tool. The breeze caused by a passing bicycle sends them vortexing across the landscape in a fog, seeking innocent earth to pillage. Birds love ’em. Redwings criss-cross the firmament, a hundred of Noah’s doves, each stalk-in-beak. Deer, raccoon, skunk, bear, chicken, possum are unwitting foot-soldiers in its army. Sparky the Dog is a Centurion.
But not content to litter the skies with its corruption, knotweed also reproduces by stealth. Its shallow root system wriggles beneath the soil, a Medusa of rhizomes, bursting upwards every few inches in new clusters of moist phalluses, grunting toward the sun. Hours later each is a thickly-lubricated, purple-green Alien, complete with prehensile jaws, ooze, and an appetite for annihilation. Leave your child by a bush for 10 minutes and it will be subsumed, devoured and mulched into compost.
The only rational response is despair. But even weeping produces nutritious brine.
Or so we thought. Until Marguerite walked into Table on Ten with a Bobbit of severed phalluses, frozen, emasculated. She loves knotweed. Because she has mastered it.
If you can’t beat ’em, eat ’em.
Saturday May 7th, 12.30 at Table on Ten
MARGUERITE UHRMANN BOWER LEADS FIRST OF THE SEASON WALK
Rain or shine, Table on Ten’s yard and Rails to Trails
Identify spring edibles and medicinals. Spring pot herbs, tonic plants, folk remedies, earthing and tree orienting. Plants covered include stinging nettles, wild ramps, wild garlic mustard, yellowdock, dandelion and burdock roots and (you guessed it) Japanese knotweed. Roots and shoots.
Later, while still in the field, experience Music of the Plants – melding art, science and technology to finely illuminate the hidden life of vegetation.
Followed by a wild food tasting, prepared by Marguerite: wild garlic mustard pesto, dandelion root french fries, dock chips.
To register: 607.437.1218 or firstname.lastname@example.org
Starts at 12.30, ends around 4. Arrive early as we walk at 12.30. Or get a sustaining lunch at Table on Ten before we go.
$20 per participant including walk, wild snacks, handouts, recipes