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It’s a Canterbury Tales thing. A whole mess of pilgrims shuffling round Europe, telling bawdy stories, looking to score fish and chips. There goes the Friar across the South Downs, seeking warm, flat beer, beguiling the Wife of Bath with the burr of his cassock. The Nun’s Priest’s sucking Spritz al bitter through a straw with the Summoner behind the bike sheds. And each new day sees them darkening the door of the Pardoner.
January 2016. Team Table is burrowing tenderly into the buttocks of the Olde World, plotting a course through England, Holland and Italy. A map of their meanderings recalls Caesar’s march through Gaul, with little loops over Schipol and Heathrow due to congestion. Along the way our Pilgrims are granted refuge, variously, in 16th century English timber-framed houses, a Renaissance villa outside of Padua, a narrowboat on the Regents Canal, couple of ground floor apartments in Venice and Amsterdam and a little house in Culemborg. They play Pooh Sticks in the Hundred Acre Wood, climb Monte Pirio with Friulian wine and four glasses, commune with Petrarch’s mummified cat, pick hazelnuts, acorns and bayleaves, spill Campari in the canal at San Trovaso, find an open pharmacy at 7.30 on a Sunday evening in Abano Terme.
But lest anyone mistake this for recreation – fleeing the bony grip of Delaware County winter to go swanning round the Euganean Hills like Helena Bonham Carter in a heaving bodice – think again. Hard labour. Oscar Wilde breaking rocks in Reading Gaol. There was difficult food to be digested, strenuous parlor games; and relics to be sought out and brought home.
To that end:
ARQUA PETRARCA OVEN MITT. The very item used by the Father of Humanism to wrangle lasagne al forno out of his cooker in 1369. Folklore has Petrarch spending long afternoons in the kitchen; recipe testing, weaving head-wreaths from olive branches, trying to rhyme loggia with ambrosia. These mitts would undoubtedly have spared him burned fingers; an important issue when you’ve got another 100 sonnets to compose to the object of your unconsummated love. Wear them and you too may feel ‘Thus possed to and fro / Al sterelees withinne a boot …’
$15 per mitt
BIALETTI DAMA STOVETOP ESPRESSO MAKER (from Venice). Designed by Pino Spagnolo, who brought soft curves to everything from speedboats to lemon squeezers. Locals claim it’s the best. Still makes coffee with ‘inimitable aroma and taste’, but adds a frisson of moda Italiana. Etched with the timeless phrase Omino con I Baffi which has something to do with moustaches but we’re not sure what.
$45 – 3 cup / $55 – 6 cup
VISGRAAT DARK BLUE BLANKET – 100% cotton, 100% Dutch. Herringbone weave. Can be used to block the wind whipping up one’s gusset off the IJsselmeer, for cradling a nice broodje gezond with some hagelslag and appelstroop at Wijk aan Zee, or just wrap it casually round your neck like a sjaal as you pedal giddily down to Waterlooplein.
SÄKERHETS TANDSTICKOR – forgive the absence of umlauts: your favorite Swedish matches are back in the big size only. If you want to burn shit, these are for you.
SANT’ ANTONIO CANDLES from Basilica di Sant’Antonio in Padova. Strictly limited edition these, due to baggage allowance. Anthony of Padova is the Patron Saint of Lost Things. So if you have issues with car keys, sunglasses or spouses, you might want to grab one. The candles come from a spot close to the reliquary, where the chin and tongue of St Anthony sit waiting to lick something and dribble. The Basilica is one of eight shrines recognized by the Holy See. By purchasing a candle you can knock it off the list, leaving only seven steps to Absolution.
BAY LEAVES FROM VILLA DEI VESCOVI – not for sale, but come in, scratch and sniff.
January 30, 2016. Posted in Inspirers, Journeys, The Microshop. Tags: Abano Terme, Anthony of Padova, Aqua Petrarca, Bay Leaves, Bialetti, Culemborg, Euganean Hills, Francesco Petrarca, Geoffrey Chaucer, Helena Bonham Carter, Hundred Acre Wood, Ijsselmeer, Julius Caesar, Landmark Trust, Monte Pirio, Oscar Wilde, Peake's House, Petrarch, Pino Spagnolo, Pooh Sticks, Regents Canal, Sackville House, Säkerhets Tändstickor, San Trovaso, Sant'Antonio, Spritz al Bitter, The Canterbury Tales, The Nun's Priest, The Pardoner, The Summoner, The Wife of Bath, Venice, Villa dei Vescovi, Visgraat, Wijk can Zee.
Thursday 24th December – 9 till 3
Friday 25th December – closed
Saturday 26th December – 9 till 3 then 6 till 9 (Boxing Day Pizza)
Sunday 27th December – 9 till 3
Monday 28th, Tuesday 29th, Wednesday 30th December – closed as usual
Thursday 31st December – 9 till 3
Friday 1st January – 6 till 9 (New Year’s Pizza)
Saturday 2nd January – 9 till 3 then 6 till 9 (New Year’s Pizza II)
Sunday 3rd January – 9 till 3
You’ve brined the turkey for 36 hours, driven it north in a Subaru, wrestled it downstairs like a drunk auntie. You’ve parboiled the potatoes with celeriac, maple-glazed the carrots, curdled the milk with lemon. Peeled the chestnuts, crusted the bread and cored the apples. Reconstituted the garbanzo bean flour for Antigone and Oliver’s gluten-free stuffing. Creamed the corn. Milled the cranberries. You’ve topped and tailed the green beans, squashed the squash, toasted the cumin. You’ve spun the milk-thistle, cauterized the wood-sorrel, burnt the borage. You’re gagging for the bottle, but you still have to muddle the mallow and drizzle the dingleberries.
Do you really want to bake a pie?
FOUR AND TWENTY BLACKBIRDS THANKSGIVING PIES
Available now at Table on Ten
The perfect dessert or ‘dish to pass’ in three delicious flavours
• Bittersweet Chocolate Pecan ($40)
• Brown Butter Pumpkin ($35)
Call 607 643 6509 or send us a message to reserve.
Pickup available at the following times:
Saturday 21st November, 9 to 3 and 6 to 9
Sunday 22nd November, 9 to 3
Wednesday 25th November, 5 to 7
To prove we’re not just ironic flyswatters and calendars cunningly impregnated with knotweed:
THANKSGIVING WEEKEND HOLIDAY MARKET
Friday 27th | Saturday 28th | Sunday 29th | November
from 9 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon each day at
featuring gift ideas by
Field Apothecary, Ben Holiday, The Motley, Sandborn Canoe, Kelli Cain, Small Adventure, Paine’s of Maine, L’ouvriere Pure Beeswax Candles, Stone and Sawyer, Heaven on Main Street, Misc. Goods Co, Lisa Candela Photography, P. F. Candle Co, Hudson Made, Brian Christopher, Palomino Brands, Evans & Evans Farm, Table on Ten, Redbud Jewelry, Brown Paper Movement, David Lindwall, Happy Table, Middle Dune, Kevin Rossley, Artemisia Handmade, Arbor Goods, Marguerite Uhlmann-Bower, Essential Evergreen, Burnett Farms, Adventure Supply Co, Julian Fleischer, Ben Suga, The Village Common, Treadlight Farm, Malaprop Designs, Tribe and True, Municipal Prints, Amy Lindwall, Wild Unknown, Tilet and others, still others.
Saturday 28th November at 3 in the afternoon
at which 40 hungry, lucky individuals will enjoy
PIZZA | FRESH GREENS | FOUR & TWENTY BLACKBIRDS PIE
15% OFF ALL MERCHANDISE IN THE MARKET
a few tickets for which can still be found
INSTAGRAM PICTURES LOOK BETTER
when you’re drunk on
November 18, 2015. Posted in Events, Inspirers, Producers, The Microshop, Underpants. Tags: Adventure Supply Co, Amy Lindwall, And North, Arbor Goods, Artemisia Handmade, Ben Holiday, Ben Suga, Brian Christopher, Brown Paper Movement, Clove & Creek, David Lindwall, Essential Evergreen, Evans & Evans Farm, Field Apothecary, Flyswatters, Four & Twenty Blackbirds, Happy Table, Heaven on Main Street, Holiday Market, Hudson Made, Instagram, Julian Fleischer, Kelli Cain, Kevin Rossley, Knotweed, Kristie Burnett, Lisa candela Photography, Louriere, Malaprop Designs, Marguerite Uhlmann-Bower, Middle Dune, Misc. Goods Co, Municipal Prints, P. F. Candle Co, Paine's of Maine, Palomino Brands, Pizza, Redbud Jewelry, Sandborn Canoe, Scott Neild, Small Adventure, Spritz al Bitter, Stone and Sawyer, Table on Ten, Thanksgiving, The Motley, The Village Common, Tilet, Treadlight Farm, Tribe and True, Wild Unknown.
For anybody who missed it: in celebration of All Hallows’ Eve, the floor of Table on Ten was turned over to renowned Commedia dell’Arte troupe – La Famiglia Touché – who brought their oversize personality, dubious gender disposition and filthy Grandma to Bloomville for two consecutive nights, inaugurating:
TERROR ON TEN | FRIGHTFUL HALLOWEEN PIZZA
~ An Utter Farce, in Two Acts ~
Players (in attacco)
Madame Goodie Touché – Mr Scott Neild
Miss Sally Touché – Mrs Lacy Johnson
Master William (Billy) Touché – Mr David Van Vorst
Master Philip McCrevice – Mr Jason Lindow
Nurse Barry Bates – Mr Josiah Johnson
Nurse Bessie Bates – Miss Winifred Richards
Sister Brenda Bates-Warbler – Miss Val Dudley
Master Brian Bates – Master Seth Johnson
Doctor Pierrot Bates-Dronkenvrouw – Mrs Inez Valk
(su per il culo)
Grandma Mabel Touché-Berchtesgaden – Mr Perkin Lovely
• The Fresh Roadkill
• The Bloody Wound
• The Strips of Flesh
• The White Cadaver
• The Slugs
• The Drowned Man
• The Burnt Capsicum
• The Dead Man’s Sausage
• The Don’t Ask
• Fresh Salad of Greenies
• Salad of Roast Pepper Flesh
• Baked Apple Corpse
• Wound Ice Cream
• Gore of Grizzled Cranberry
Expunged from her long-term residency at The Novelty Lounge in Oneonta (following an incident with a Merino sheep and two pounds of asparagus) Madame Goodie Touché has bundled her family into a 1996 Subaru Forester and gone south, hoping to make it to her sister Daphne’s Blue Moon Topless in New Paltz before nightfall. A mangled head gasket, however, finds her marooned in the quaint, tumble-down hamlet of Bloomville New York, with an empty purse and Halloween on the doorstep. Ever the opportunist, Mme Touché offers her services at the only bulb burning for 20 miles around – the notorious Table on Ten, bastion of all things salvaged and glutenous. The proprietress, a shadowy Dutch woman of irregular height, has taken to roaming the dirt roads in her undergarments, swigging from a bottle of Chivas whilst communing with feral goats. The single remaining member of staff – Phil McCrevice (handyman, Speedo model and Master of the Dark Arts) – is tending to an ever-dwindling coterie of absinthe-addled customers, stretching month-old pizza over a badminton racket and baking it over an old toilet bowl filled with Kingsford briquettes. He quickly accepts Mme Touché’s proposal – to take over the restaurant and run it through the holiday weekend – won over, in part, by the sultry charms of her teenage daughter Sally, who imagines herself the younger sister of Scarlet O’Hara and behaves accordingly. Borrowing McCrevice’s pickup, the Touché family go in search of decor, plumping for Late-Century Salvation garnished with dead Japanese knotweed. Billy Touché – 28 and still recovering from a frontal-lobe injury sustained whilst repairing a leaky lavatory flapper at a gas station in Roscoe with his teeth – is put in charge of the wood-fired oven. Sally does the drinks, Goodie runs the show. Grandma Mabel, wheelchair-bound and serially incontinent, is consigned to the basement where she delivers salads and pizza from the ever-widening gap between her waist-high hemline and descending pantyhose. Kitchen staff are culled from the recently defunct operating theatre at O’Connor Hospital Delhi. They arrive having just undertaken a failed prostate transplant on an alpaca farmer from South Kortright. Sister Brenda Bates is on dough-stretching, Doctor Bates-Dronkenvrouw on pizza prep, Nurses Bessie Bates and Barry Bates on salads and dessert; and Brian, Master Bates on the dishes. The lights go down. The customers assemble …
November 4, 2015. Posted in Events, Inspirers, The Menu, Working at Table. Tags: Bloomville, Blue Moon Topless, David Van Vorst, Goodie Touché, Halloween, Inez Valk, Jason Lindow, Josiah Johnson, Julian Richards, Lacy Johnson, O'Connor Hospital, Oneonta, Perkin Lovely, Roscoe, Scott Neild, South Kortright, Terror on Ten, The Novelty Lounge, Val Dudley, Winnie Richards.