Work at Table | Better Than Elephant Proctology

It’s that time of year. Table on Ten is hiring. Come join the family! We’re on the couch in y-fronts and a wife-beater, watching reruns of Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter, sucking on a quart of Wild Irish Rose. Throw your phone across the room, kick the cat, run upstairs, slam your bedroom door. We’ll send your little sister up and you can scream at her to ‘leave me alone you nasty little dwarf, I hate you!’. Come down after you’ve Facetimed Brianna for three hours, we’ll pick up Grandma and go to Taco Bell.

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Sturdy upright citizens are needed to fill the blurry-edged roles of:

• front-of-house | wait staff

• kitchen staff

• dishwasher

We’re looking for reliable, self-motivated, hard-working team-players with energy, stamina and a desire to work in food and service.

You’ll need a flexible schedule, including weekends, evenings, holidays and (in some cases) weekdays.

You’ll have to be able to work well in a fast-paced, energetic environment; to multi-task, stay organized and motivated. And perhaps deal with the public.

Each job has different responsibilities and time commitments.

Starting immediately. Put some clothes on for heavens sake.

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We think working at Table on Ten is pretty great. You could absolutely do worse.

Jobs that working at Table on Ten is better than include:

• toll booth attendant

• crime-scene cleaner

• pet food taster

• peep-show janitor

• embalmer

• panda inseminator

• discount colonoscopist

• upstate art gallery owner

• amputee pole-dancer

• anything in Buffalo

•••

To find out more, write to us at info@tableonten.com

Touché Family Values | Out, Damned Spot!

For anybody who missed it: in celebration of All Hallows’ Eve, the floor of Table on Ten was turned over to renowned Commedia dell’Arte troupe – La Famiglia Touché – who brought their oversize personality, dubious gender disposition and filthy Grandma to Bloomville for two consecutive nights, inaugurating:

TERROR ON TEN | FRIGHTFUL HALLOWEEN PIZZA
~ An Utter Farce, in Two Acts ~

Master Brian Bates / Mrs Goodie Touché
Master Brian Bates / Madame Goodie Touché
Master Robert Touché / Miss Sally Touché
Master Philip McCrevice / Miss Sally Touché
Mrs Mabel Lovely-Berchtesgaden / Miss Bessie Bates
Grandma Mabel Touché-Berchtesgaden / Nurse Bessie Bates
Mr William Touché / Mrs Pierrot Bates-Slappelul
Master William Touché / Doctor Pierrot Bates-Dronkenvrouw

Players (in attacco)
Madame Goodie Touché  – Mr Scott Neild
Miss Sally Touché – Mrs Lacy Johnson
Master William (Billy) Touché – Mr David Van Vorst
Master Philip McCrevice  – Mr Jason Lindow

(nella posteriore)
Nurse Barry Bates – Mr Josiah Johnson
Nurse Bessie Bates – Miss Winifred Richards
Sister Brenda Bates-Warbler – Miss Val Dudley
Master Brian Bates – Master Seth Johnson
Doctor Pierrot Bates-Dronkenvrouw – Mrs Inez Valk

(su per il culo)
Grandma Mabel Touché-Berchtesgaden – Mr Perkin Lovely

(le pizze)
• The Fresh Roadkill
• The Bloody Wound
• The Strips of Flesh
• The White Cadaver
• The Slugs
• The Drowned Man
• The Burnt Capsicum
• The Dead Man’s Sausage
• The Don’t Ask

(i mezzi)
• Fresh Salad of Greenies
• Salad of Roast Pepper Flesh

(l’ epilogo)
• Baked Apple Corpse
• Wound Ice Cream
• Gore of Grizzled Cranberry

(mise-en-scène)
Expunged from her long-term residency at The Novelty Lounge in Oneonta (following an incident with a Merino sheep and two pounds of asparagus) Madame Goodie Touché has bundled her family into a 1996 Subaru Forester and gone south, hoping to make it to her sister Daphne’s Blue Moon Topless in New Paltz before nightfall. A mangled head gasket, however, finds her marooned in the quaint, tumble-down hamlet of Bloomville New York, with an empty purse and Halloween on the doorstep. Ever the opportunist, Mme Touché offers her services at the only bulb burning for 20 miles around – the notorious Table on Ten, bastion of all things salvaged and glutenous. The proprietress, a shadowy Dutch woman of irregular height, has taken to roaming the dirt roads in her undergarments, swigging from a bottle of Chivas whilst communing with feral goats.  The single remaining member of staff – Phil McCrevice (handyman, Speedo model and Master of the Dark Arts) – is tending to an ever-dwindling coterie of absinthe-addled customers, stretching month-old pizza over a badminton racket and baking it over an old toilet bowl filled with Kingsford briquettes. He quickly accepts Mme Touché’s proposal – to take over the restaurant and run it through the holiday weekend – won over, in part, by the sultry charms of her teenage daughter Sally, who imagines herself the younger sister of Scarlet O’Hara and behaves accordingly. Borrowing McCrevice’s pickup, the Touché family go in search of decor, plumping for Late-Century Salvation garnished with dead Japanese knotweed. Billy Touché – 28 and still recovering from a frontal-lobe injury sustained whilst repairing a leaky lavatory flapper at a gas station in Roscoe with his teeth – is put in charge of the wood-fired oven. Sally does the drinks, Goodie runs the show. Grandma Mabel, wheelchair-bound and serially incontinent, is consigned to the basement where she delivers salads and pizza from the ever-widening gap between her waist-high hemline and descending pantyhose.  Kitchen staff are culled from the recently defunct operating theatre at O’Connor Hospital Delhi. They arrive having just undertaken a failed prostate transplant on an alpaca farmer from South Kortright. Sister Brenda Bates is on dough-stretching, Doctor Bates-Dronkenvrouw on pizza prep, Nurses Bessie Bates and Barry Bates on salads and dessert; and Brian, Master Bates on the dishes.  The lights go down. The customers assemble …

lacy

We Need Somebodies | Not Just Anybodies

Just when we think we’ve got it all sorted out … out comes the sun (‘guys, guys; outside, big yellow glowing ball in sky’), the picnic tables are inundated and we go and open up the whole downstairs. Suddenly we’re nose to the grindstone of life’s great existential questions: are the fennel and prosciutto pizzas for Table 16? And is Table 16 upstairs, downstairs or in the garden? (Hi)biscus or (HI)biscus? Mizuna? Mibuna? Help! Just like John, Paul, George and Ringo in ’65. We’re in our Fat Elvis period. Yesterday. It’s Only Love. We’re All Shook Up.

help

You’ve heard it before, but it’s worth repeating. Table on Ten is a café  in rural Bloomville NY. We work with local producers, offering a seasonal and improvised menu with strong week-to-week emphasis on what’s being harvested right here, right now. On weekend evenings we serve brick oven pizzas, with a full wine and beer list. The microshop carries local and speciality items, some of which are made in-house. We also host pop-up dinners, events, and collaborations.

It’s a small, close-knit, vibrant, creative environment, akin to being a Navy Seal (but armed with stalks of lacinato kale). We work hard as a team, share responsibilities and have high standards.

We’re looking for two new Seals.

1 – PART-TIME FRONT OF HOUSE PERSON

Roughly, a ‘waitress’ or ‘waiter’. But the unique life of café and its community calls for a more catholic set of skills than simply delivering food to tables.

These include (all melded together into a glittering whole) …

• the ability to attend to detail whilst constantly being aware of the whole picture. Table 5 is waiting for an anchovy pizza, a group of six with kids needs a table downstairs, somebody wants to chat about who grew the arugula, the candles on the picnic tables have blown out, we’re getting low on the asparagus special and soap in the bathroom.

• to attend to this whilst remaining calm, personable, charming and communicative.

• liaise minute-to-minute with the kitchen and register, being aware of work-flow, backups, what’s coming, what’s going. Calmly, efficiently.

• take the high food standards produced in the kitchen and bring them to the tables, being precisely aware of menu items, noticing and helping to correct discrepancies.

• be interested and understand the food, drinks and the overall experience we offer and be able to communicate that understanding to customers.

• have stamina, the physical capacity to keep going without appearing to flag. Upstairs, downstairs, inside, outside.

• work as part of a team. No lone wolves.

• enjoy dealing with the public.

• be self-motivated.

• be detailed and organized.

• in a broad sense, to feel ownership of the environment when you’re working it. There’s a lot to do, and whilst everything’s governed by efficiency and high-standards, there are also elements of poise and performance.

• work evenings, weekends and some holidays.

• balance a plastic ball on nose whilst slapping fins together and barking.

• have your own home and transport.

• start now please.

+- 20 hours per week

elvis

2 – PART-TIME SHORT ORDER COOK

who will …

• participate fully in the minute-to-minute operation of the kitchen, follow food production schedules and ensure highest level of food quality, taste and presentation.

• adhere and contribute to practices and goals for the kitchen, anticipate and resolve issues.

• understand and adhere strictly to Health Department and food handling guidelines.

• contribute to the development and implementation of new menu items, ensure adherence to recipes and product specifications.

• bear food cost in mind, through intelligent practice of food preparation and handling.

• conduct regular inspections of the kitchen/dishwashing area, workspaces, storage areas and coolers, and act promptly to correct any deficiencies.

Need to be able to:

• work in a close-knit team environment.

• work calmly and effectively under pressure.

• efficiently solve problems on the spot.

• be self-motivated and organized.

• show commitment to quality service of good food.

• take direction.

• show an interest in food prepared with sustainably farmed, locally sourced ingredients.

• understand the importance of safety, sanitation and food handling procedures.

• show previous kitchen experience.

• exhibit professional, personable communication skills.

• sit on a stool and catch poorly-thrown fish in your mouth.

• have flexibility in assuming different roles within the life of the café when needed; front-of-house skills, helping to prepare and maintain the dining areas and microshop, being aware of stock levels, serving food in the café and at the counter.

• work evenings, weekends and some holidays.

• have a house and transport.

• start now.

+- 20 hours a week

beatles

Pizza – Dawn of a New Era

Dare we suggest Spring is here? The calendar says so, even if that last flurry of snow outside suggests otherwise. Time to cast off the shaggy animal hide of hibernation and contemplate new growth. We’re looking for somebody great to man our pride and joy – the wood-fired pizza oven – on friday and saturday evenings. It’s no easy thing to turn the functional care of one’s cherished offspring over to capable hands. But it’s time.

for instance ...
for instance …

Table on Ten is a cafe in rural Bloomville NY. We work with local producers, offering a seasonal and experimental menu with strong week-to-week emphasis on great ingredients and what’s being harvested right here, right now. On weekend evenings we serve brick oven pizzas, with a full wine and beer list. The microshop carries local and specialty items, some of which are made in-house. We also host workshops, events, pop-up dinners and collaborations with guest chefs and occasionally cater events locally and in New York City.

It’s a small, close-knit, exciting, vibrant, creative environment. We work hard as a team, share responsibilities and have high standards.

We’re looking for a brick-oven pizza cook to work two evenings a week (Fridays and Saturdays, 5.30 to 9.30 pm. Responsibilities include:

• responsibility for operating the wood-fired brick-oven within the main serving area of Table on Ten.

• maintaining temperature and orderliness of the oven.

• baking pizzas quickly and efficiently in a high-turnover environment.

• exercising precise judgment as to temperature of the oven, as well as quality, cooking times, temperature and visual appearance of pizzas. Making adjustments in these areas as necessary.

• understanding and adhering strictly to Health Department and food handling guidelines.

• displaying professional, personable communication skills and appearance. The wood-oven is very much at the forefront of Table on Ten’s interface with the public, as it functions as the showpiece of the café, fully visible to customers. Some informal exchange with the public whilst baking is to be expected.

• working effectively as part of a team, taking full responsibility for managing the oven whilst being sensitive to the fluctuations of preparation and serving of the pizzas.

Job Qualifications:

• ability to work in a close-knit team environment.

• ability to work calmly and effectively under pressure.

• must have problem solving abilities, be self-motivated and organized.

• commitment to quality service and food preparation.

• proven interest in food prepared with sustainably farmed, locally sourced ingredients.

• knowledge and understanding of safety, sanitation and food handling procedures.

• professional, personable communication skills.

• ability to take direction.

• must be able to work weekend evenings and holidays.

• must have own transport and housing.

Starting immediately.

+- 8 hours a week

Please send an introduction with contact details, resumé and any supporting information to inez@tableonten.com

Your Country(side) Needs You | In Short Order

Stuff is growing over here. We’re looking for a great Short Order Cook. To start right away.

you

Table on Ten is a cafe in rural Bloomville NY. We work with local producers, offering a seasonal and experimental menu with strong week-to-week emphasis on great ingredients and what’s being harvested right here, right now. On weekend evenings we serve brick oven pizzas, with a full wine and beer list. The microshop carries local and specialty items, some of which are made in-house. We also host workshops, events, pop-up dinners and collaborations with guest chefs and occasionally cater events locally and in New York City.

It’s a small, close-knit, exciting, vibrant, creative environment. We work hard as a team, share responsibilities and have high standards.

We’re looking for somebody who can:

• participate fully in the day-to-day operation of the kitchen, follow food production schedules and ensure highest level of food quality, taste and presentation.

• participate actively in actual food preparation, maintain consistently high standards of food quality, taste and presentation.

• manage food cost through intelligent practice of food preparation and handling.

• in conjunction with the proprietor, establish goals for the kitchen, anticipate and resolve issues, anticipate trends, undertake approved profit-oriented and cost saving ideas.

• understand and adhere strictly to Health Department and food handling guidelines.

• in conjunction with the proprietor, develop menu items, create and ensure adherence to recipes and product specifications. Train interns and seasonal workers on new menu items.

• conduct regular inspections of the kitchen/dishwashing area, workspaces, storage areas and coolers, and act promptly to correct deficiencies found during inspection.

Job Qualifications:

• ability to work in a close-knit team environment.

• ability to work calmly and effectively under pressure.

• must have problem solving abilities, be self-motivated and organized.

• show commitment to quality service, food and beverage knowledge.

• intermediate understanding of professional cooking and food preparation skills.

• proven interest in food prepared with sustainably farmed, locally sourced ingredients.

• knowledge and understanding of safety, sanitation and food handling procedures.

• previous kitchen experience required.

• professional, personable communication skills.

• flexibility in assuming different roles within the life of the café; front-of-house skills, helping to prepare and maintain the dining areas and microshop, being aware of stock levels, serving food in the café and at the counter.

• ability to take direction.

• must be able to work evenings, weekends and some holidays.

• must have own transport and housing.

Starting immediately.

+- 40 hours a week

Please send an introduction with contact details, resumé and any supporting information to Inez at info@tableonten.com