Dial P for Bloody Pizza | Table on Bloody Ten Extended Bloody Hours | Bloody Slave Drivers

‘The British are going! The British are going!”

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Welcome to Independence Day weekend. The one where we celebrate severing ties with a tiny, obscure island off the coast of Europe, known for warm beer, pre-masticated peas and blaming other people for their problems. Being something of a tiny landlocked island ourselves – Delaware County – we thought we could perhaps garner a spot of lost wisdom from our plucky ancestors over the sea: their rabid adherence to cultural homogeneity, quaint policeman’s costumes, groups of men in ladies’  clothes dancing around poles with sticks in their hands and bells on their feet. Their dogged resolve in the face of dentistry. But most importantly; their prodigious capacity for moaning.

To that end, we will be setting up Table on Ten noticeboards, each with a single word at the top:

BLOODY

In a basket underneath will be a selection of commonly-used suffixes, which participants will be encouraged to place underneath to form a familiar British phrase.

FOREIGNERS
EUROPEANS
GOVERNMENT
IMMIGRANTS
UNELECTED PLUTOCRATS
WEATHER
TRAFFIC
KRAUTS
TRAINS
BUSES
RACKET
NEIGHBOURS
SUMMER
WINTER
MUSLIMS
HOOLIGANS
ENGLAND FOOTBALL TEAM
TAXES
RAIN
ANGELA MERKEL
FROGS
COST OF A PINT
COST OF CIGARETTES
LABOUR
TORIES
WIFE
KIDS
IRISH
JOCKS
YANKS
BUGGERS
MOTHER-IN-LAW
ROONEY
COLD
DAMP
JOB
NO JOB
STUDENTS
WANKERS
SCROUNGERS
HELL
MURDER
GYPSIES
ICELAND

Participants will be asked to read their phrase out loud, to be repeated by the congregation. Once all initial phrases are exhausted, we will ask for contributions; thus facilitating a hands-on, Internationalist, cross-platform, multi-media, son et lumière, interactive experience, rivaling Mount Tremper’s World’s Largest Kaleidoscope. And a brief insight on how grim it can be to be British.

To afford maximum participation in this rich cultural exchange, Table on Ten will be extending its weekend opening hours to include:

ADDITIONAL PIZZA NIGHT ON SUNDAY 3rd and ADDITIONAL BREAKFAST AND LUNCH ON MONDAY 4th

So to be clear:

Thursday 30th – 9 to 3

Friday 1st – 9 to 3 then 6 to 9 (Pizza Night I)

Saturday 2nd – 9 to 3 then 6 to 9 (Pizza Night II)

Sunday 3rd – 9 to 3 then 6 to 9 (Pizza Night III)

Monday 4th – 9 to 3

•••

Hope to see you here. Toodle-bloody-pip.